Bedtime excuses flood out the minute a crib becomes a toddler bed, and little ones become masters at bedtime-delaying tactics. Can you blame them? They just want to stay up and be a part of the mysterious nighttime stuff that happens after 8 PM, like doing the dishes and sweeping up dried Play-Doh bits.
Here’s a list of 33 reasons why my toddler absolutely, positively, cannot go to sleep.
- I have to go to the potty.
- I need a tissue. From the blue tissue box. The one that’s out in the kitchen, next to the cookies.
- My Elsa doll doesn’t like it when I sing to her!
- My water is too drippy.
- The sheets are bunched up.
- The footy jammies you said would be too warm in August are too warm.
- I can’t sleep without my favorite pony — the purple one I left halfway across the country at Grandma’s house.
- I didn’t get to show you my forward roll.
- I need to floss and brush the back of my teeth. After bedtime is the perfect time for oral health.
- I did a forward roll off the bed and hit my head.
- You didn’t show me your forward roll!
- I have to pee.
- I’m hungry. Because I ate a single blueberry for dinner.
- There’s a giraffe outside my bedroom window.
- I need to know what happens to Sam at the end of Green Eggs & Ham. Does he try it? Does he like green eggs and ham? Can I have green eggs and ham for breakfast? How about right now?
- I have to pee. No, really this time.
- How many hours are in the night? How many hours are in the day? How many hours can I fill up by asking this question over and over and over again?
- I can’t find my fluffy doggy.
- I haven’t named my fluffy doggy.
- My fluffy doggy is tickling my nose and making me sneeze.
- I need a kiss. On the other cheek. And now each of my 312 stuffed animals needs a goodnight kiss.
- My knee hurts, my tummy hurts, my head hurts, my toenail hurts. Even my eyebrows hurt!
- Why is it fall? Who fell? Am I going to fall? Does it hurt the leaves when they fall? What about the roof? Will it fall?
- I drank all my drippy water and now I have to pee again.
- The rockets on my rocket ship jammies are trying to blast off.
- Where did the sun go? Why isn’t the moon out? Who made the stars twinkle?
- I want to wear my blue pants. I don’t care that they’re in the washer. I want to wear them! Now!
- The sheep you told me to count keep baa-ing at me.
- The tooth fairy wants to take my teeth and I need all of them to eat cookies.
- There might be a spider in the corner of the room, or a monster, or a cricket.
- I want to sleep in your bed.
- I miss you when I’m sleeping.
- I’m too tired to sleep.
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